Ik ben gek. Gelukkig is het meest persoonlijk universeel!

Als puber gaf ik de schuld van mijn nogal curieuze gedrag aan de acne in mijn gezicht. Vele malen per dag inspecteerde ik mijn gezicht in de spiegel. Eerlijk gezegd niet alleen in de spiegel, ook in winkelruiten, brillenglazen van de mensen waar ik mee sprak, eigenlijk in alles wat het beeld van mijn gezicht reflecteerde. Vreemd genoeg keek ik precies op zo’n manier dat ik altijd wel wat lelijks vond en weer constateerde hoezeer die acne mij lelijk maakte.   

En dat was natuurlijk ook wat iedereen van mij dacht; tjonge, wat is die lelijk door zijn acne. Eindeloos mezelf vergelijken met andere mensen die het, naar mijn idee, bijna allemaal veel beter hadden getroffen. En die leuke meiden, die hoefde ik zeker niet te benaderen. Want kijk nou zelf!

Ik zocht hulp bij de schoonheidsspecialiste door middel van gezichtsbehandelingen, crèmes en pillen. Buiten een minder zware portemonnee leverde het mij bitter weinig op.

Op enkele dagen dat ik het echt te erg vond, bleef ik binnen en ging dus ook niet naar school. Spreekbeurten waren in ieder geval een ramp.

Het leven stond in het teken van de acne. De acne had mij in een greep als de hoge muren van een gevangenis.

Uiteindelijk ging de acne over, het gedrag niet.

De muren van de gevangenis bleven trots overeind staan. Stevig gebouwd op nieuw beton dat nu “een grote neus, kaler worden of niet geheel rechte tanden”heette.

Dit lezende ligt het niet in de lijn der verwachtingen dat ik een poos geleden veel lachend over straat liep. Ingezien dat die onzekerheidsgedachtes er altijd zullen zijn, ze horen bij mij. Als ze er dan toch altijd zullen zijn kan ik ze beter als een welkome gast begroeten dan er altijd strijd tegen te leveren. Aangezien ik een welkome gast altijd met een lach begroet, besloot ik hetzelfde te doen zodra “de gedachtes” binnenkwamen. Dus liep ik over straat alsof ik mijn favoriete comedy Friends aan het kijken was.

Ik kan niet zeggen dat tegenwoordig de gevangenismuren er niet meer staan. Er zitten nu echter zoveel grote gaten in dat ik geregeld kan ontsnappen.

Slot

Je uiterlijke wereld is niet de waarheid. Het is slechts een manifestatie van jouw innerlijke wereld. De onzekerheid over mijn uiterlijk is enkel de uitdrukking van mijn onzekere innerlijk. Alleen daar is eventueel verandering mogelijk.

Innerlijke rust ;-)

Durf jij een uitdaging aan te gaan?

Waar hij normaal gesproken zijn onzekerheden bagatelliseert, of als door een wesp gestoken over een ander onderwerp begint, luister ik deze morgen naar een andere Jeffrey. Hij vertelt dat hij om vrouwen te ontmoeten is aangewezen op het internet omdat hij, in het dagelijks leven, vrouwen nooit durft aan te spreken. Bang om afgewezen te worden heeft hij dat nooit gedurfd. Tijdens mijn vakantie in Spanje logeer ik bij Jeffrey. Aangezien we vanaf de eerste dag van mijn verblijf elke avond op stap zijn geweest wordt hij veel met die onzekerheid geconfronteerd.

Ik vertel hem het verhaal van Mark, een andere goede vriend.

Ooit liep ik met Mark langs een kledingzaak alwaar hij geregeld zijn kleding kocht. Alleen al door die enorm leuke verkoopster kom ik hier altijd terug, zei Mark. Plots hield hij halt en zei: Wish me luck! Ik ga haar mee uit vragen! Ik lachte, we gaven elkaar een”succes knuffel”en hij liep naar binnen.

Vrij kort daarna kwam hij met een lach op zijn gezicht naar buiten en sprak hij deze exacte woorden; Tom, een schouderklopje voor je grote vriend! Enthousiast gaf ik hem zijn schouderklopje en vroeg: Ja? Gaat ze mee uit?

Nee, zei Mark, ze heeft al een vriend. Ik vind het echter heel stoer van mezelf dat ik het heb gedurfd en dat maakt de drempel in het vervolg een stuk lager.

Ze zei, nee en verder is er niks ergs gebeurd…de wereld draait door…mij leef nog en voel me prima!

Go Mark!

Heij Jeffrey, ging ik verder, een afwijzing is niet erg. Stel dat jij een snoepje pikt en de officier van Justitie vraagt een lange gevangenisstraf aan, echter de rechter wijst die aanvraag af. Dan ben je blij met een afwijzing. Een afwijzing is op zichzelf neutraal, alleen jouw gedachtes erover maken het positief of negatief. Leer denken als mark. Geef jezelf een schouderklopje alleen al omdat je het durft.

Vanaf nu laten we geen enkele kans meer voorbij gaan. Als we denken; met haar wil ik graag praten dan doen we dat! Het leven is zo onzeker, je kunt ook morgen dood zijn. We grijpen elke kans!

We gaven elkaar een hand waarna hij naar zijn werk ging, mij in zijn huis achterlatend.  Heerlijk vond ik dat om elke dag het grootste gedeelte zelf in te vullen.  Bijna dagelijks, na mijn ontbijt, propte ik mijn rugzak vol met eten, drinken, een boek, pen en papier en een handdoek. Hemdje met sportbroek aan en de keuze tussen slippers of sportschoenen liet ik afhangen van of ik al dan niet zin had om een voetbal mee te nemen. In het altijd schijnende zonnetje, dagelijks was het tussen de 25 en 35 graden, wandelde ik naar een dichtbij gelegen en werkelijk prachtig park. Daar aangekomen zocht ik altijd mijn favoriete plekje op om de dag te starten. Veruit de meeste mensen zag je daar joggen rond het park terwijl fietsen en rollerskaten ook erg populair waren. Alleen, samen, met hond of met kinderwagen, allerlei combinaties legden hun rondjes af. Ik was een van de weinigen die genoot van de toestellen die je kan gebruiken om buiten te fitnessen, zoals onder andere een optrekstang. Heerlijk een uurtje het bloed laten stromen en daarna op een van de vele bankjes in het park plaatsnemen om te eten, lezen en schrijven. Vooral veel schrijven. Soms was het te warm en zocht ik de schaduw op, echter vaak heerlijk met blote bast in de zon.

Eten, zonnen,  lezen, balletje hooghouden, schrijven, weer eten, kijken naar andere sportende mensen. Zo heerlijk relaxed vulde ik vele dagen.

Deze bewuste ochtend was ik net klaar met trainen en zat ik in de zon lekker van mijn boterhammen te genieten. Mijn oog valt op een mooie dame die aan het rollerskaten is. Getinte huid, prachtige vormen, lang donker haar in een staart en gekleed op de zon. Sexy in een kort strak broekje en kort topje. Ik vind het prettig om te kijken naar haar uiterlijk. Smaken verschillen zegt men, dan was dit mijn smaak.

Ik zie haar mijn kant opkijken en tegelijkertijd mindert ze vaart om rustig helemaal tot stilstand te komen. Kijk nou, ze komt mijn kant op. Daarvoor moet ze van de verharde weg af en over het gras lopen. Dan over het verharde voetpad en weer over een stuk gras lopen. Onhandig met haar rollerskates nog aan haar voeten baant ze zich een weg naar een bankje met een tafel ongeveer 10 meter van de plek waar ik zit. Ze`gaat niet op het bankje maar bovenop de tafel zitten in de lengterichting. Benen recht vooruit, bovenlichaam rechtop en zo kijkt ze wat om zich heen. Tjonge jonge wat vind ik dit een mooie meid en ze zit er behoorlijk uitdagend bij.

Dan schiet het gesprek van deze ochtend met Sander door mijn hoofd. Geen kans meer voorbij laten gaan!Niet bang voor een gekwetst ego maar schouderklopje dat je het durft!

Oei oei, dit is zo’n kans. Een test die op mijn pad wordt gegooid. Voeg ik de daad bij het woord?

Ondertussen is zij languit gaan liggen zonnen en heeft haar mp3 speler aangezet, aan de dopjes in haar oren te zien.

Wat gebeurt er op dat moment in mijn hoofd? Een strijd tussen welles of nietes.

De ene kant zegt simpel: je zou graag eens met haar kletsen.

De andere kant zegt dingen als;

-misschien is ze wel te leuk

-kan haar niet storen, ze ligt lekker te zonnen

-ze heeft haar mp3 speler aan

-misschien vindt ze het vervelend

-dat aanspreken bewaar je maar voor het uitgaansleven, dat geldt niet hier…

- etc etc

Ehhhh, HO STOP. Een en al angst, smoezen om voor jezelf goed te praten dat je niet hoeft te doen wat je het liefst zou willen.

Ok even heel kort, wat wil ik? Aanspreken

De rest telt niet, zijn allemaal “ego” angsten.

Dus; IK GA

Wist niet precies wat ik moest zeggen maar dacht; ik bied haar mijn handdoek aan zodat ze haar hoofd daarop kan leggen, wat zachter dan die stenen tafel….

Ik tikte op haar schouder waarna zij haar ogen opende en de oortjes van haar mp3 speler uit de oren haalde. Zoals gepland bood ik haar de handdoek aan waarvan zij echter geen gebruik wenste te maken. Belangrijker, we raakten wel aan de praat en hebben zeker nog een uur heel gezellig zitten kletsen. Toen ze aangaf weg te moeten hebben we telefoonnummers uitgewisseld en afgesproken om elkaar snel weer te zien, wat ook is gebeurd.

Of dat een succes was is weer een ander verhaal ;-)

Moraal; Denk niet aan de uitkomst, wees trots of je moed! Wat je ook maar wilt en je doet daar geen ander mens kwaad mee, ga ervoor. 

Waar zijn we toch allemaal zo bang voor? Morgen kan je dood zijn of misschien wel horen dat je een ernstige ziekte hebt.

Ik zeg; DOEN!

Are we just like Pavlov's dogs? Ring the bell and we drool!

I just sat down on my favorite square in the centre of The Hague and one another bench, close to mine, I see a Moroccan young man whom I guess is about twenty years old. I did not ask him if he was Moroccan, I made the assumption of the way he looked. Nike sport shoes, jeans, still wearing his thick winter coat in spite of the warm weather, a cap on his head, colored handsome face and a tough attitude.

Out of a plastic bag he gets a smaller bag and does, at least in my opinion, something unexpected.

Apparently in the small bag is something like breadcrumbs he starts to scatter, because all pigeons fly in his direction. They land everywhere around and on him and also eat out of his hands. As soon as the pigeons ate the crumbs they all return to wherever they came from leaving the young man to himself again. He folds the little bag into a gag and looks around, walks about twenty meters to the nearest bin and throws it in. Walking to the bin he had passed another bench where people are sitting as well. Right next to that bench an old man has parked his scoot mobile and he seems to be writing something. As he tries to drink something he moves clumsy and tremulous so it is no surprise that he drops his pen. The young Moroccan, on his way back to where he was sitting, passes the old man and without hesitation kneels down to get the pen of the floor. With a nod of his head and a smile on his face he hands over the pen to the old man and with a friendly voice I can hear him say, I believe this is yours sir! 

He walks on to where he was sitting, gathers the rest of his stuff and leaves.

I have been watching this young man, his actions made me feel good and I can hear myself think: You see, it can be like that as well.

And then: Damn…Damn again. What the F…?! Another thought crosses my mind.

Why am I thinking: You see, it can be like that as well? Why not, wasn’t the way that young man acted totally normal? People should behave that way! But just because it is a Moroccan man, I suddenly think: Hmmm it can be like this as well!

That says a lot of how I think about Moroccan young men in general!  I don’t seem to think much of them. And how many young Moroccan men do I know personally? Could that be none?

I find it really annoying that I am conditioned to think that way, like I don’t have my own independent mind. Am I a Pavlov dog? Ring a bell and I start to drool? Show my a Moroccan young man and I immediately think he is up to no good?

In moments like this, I think: What made me get this image in my mind? Apparently It has been instilled from outside. In cases like this it is not difficult to trace as these Moroccans have so often been portrayed negatively in the news.

We all seem to take pride in our independent minds but do we even realize how much we are just like Pavlov’s dogs? Are the thoughts in your head really your own thoughts or have a lot of them been instilled very subtle from the outside? Are the ideals that you strive for your own or maybe social standards, happening to be economically very convenient? 

It is up to you if you want to do anything with these questions. One thing that can help you and the world a lot:

Don’t judge so easily and maybe even better, don’t judge at all!

What kind of energy do YOU send into the world?

Pretending to be someone I am not made me send out a lot of negative energy, at that time unwittingly, into the world. It is like a stone you throw into a pool. The stone is the negative energy you put in and the circles become bigger and bigger. Then at some point the circles reach the end of the pool and start coming back at you! Most of the times these returning circles will be people crossing your path that gets you in a lot of trouble. These people are attracted by your energy, the person you are pretending to be. But not the real you! Never blame these people because it’s you who threw the stone and thus created your own life. Trying to maintain this way of living does cost you a lot of energy and can come with all sorts of illness and even worse, hard times for the people you love!

Extensive experience has taught me  that leading a life in which I did  listen to my ego and not my inner voice, the written above is sure to happen. I have lived it and that is why I put my trust in it to happen.

A very good thing is that I also put my trust in the opposite! Be very honest to yourself and others and life will bring you situations that do suit you. Dare to listen to your inner voice and the circles in the pool will again be people attracted by the energy you put into this world. Only this time it is your energy! Be totally yourself, with all your insecurities and connect with others is the important lesson. Insecurity can make you withdraw in your own little world, staying away from other people, afraid to get hurt. Connect with others as they are the energy that guides you on your way! Other people will point you in the right direction, don’t miss out on all the opportunities.  

You don’t have to “achieve” anything in life, don’t try to control life. Let life control you and go with the flow, bend with the wind.  Don’t put so much pressure on yourself in chasing “social standards”.

Only think about what kind of energy you send into the world and really trust in the fact that all situations in your life are there for the right reason!

Is your ego more important then your child?

After an eight year relationship, my girlfriend and I broke up. We have a beautiful daughter who just turned six at that time. We grownups could not live with each other anymore but we both loved our daughter very much.  So we had no problems at all in coming to an arrangement about dividing the time to spend with our daughter. We figured that our daughter should have the right and the possibility to see both parents as much as she wanted and therefore the deal was co parenting.

The adults did not love each other anymore but we never ever stopped wanting the best for everybody.

This was how I thought that these cases are handled but I was soon to find out that things can be very different.

Soon after my break up I fell head over heels in love with another woman. Looking back at things that wasn’t the smart thing to do as I now think people need time to recover from a relationship and a break up. Should take some rest, but that’s another story.

In “no time” we were living together and she even got pregnant despite of using contraceptive pills.

I was not ready for that! I thought about my daughter whom I dragged into a new adventure with me. On the other hand my girlfriend had told me that she never wanted to do an abortion again as she had one before and I was very much in love with her.

I did not listen to my inner voice that was screaming: you don’t want this! And so I agreed in having a baby.

Another beautiful little girl entered my life. And for half of the week she had a caring bigger (half) sister.

It was really nice to see the two kids together while their relationship was loving. A lot less loving was the relationship of the parents and when the girls had just turned two and ten, sadly there was another break up.  I had made a big mess of my life as I now had two daughters in broken families!

In the assumption that the way to deal with a break up involving children should be like my former girlfriend and I handled it, I was very surprised as I now heard these words; you will never see your daughter again!

It’s the anger of the moment, were my first thoughts. Best to give her some time as she will come to her senses.  I believe that we brought up the worst in each other as we both had done some ugly shit.  

Unfortunately she did not come to her senses and the only way to see my daughter again was going to court and claim my time with her.  They say there is a first time for everything and so for the first time in my life I had to stand in front of a judge. And what a “life lesson” this first time would turn out to be!

My lawyer and I had decided to focus on “family time”.  Proving that all this time we had lived together and that I had done my part as a father. That I have another daughter whom I lovingly take care of, with a letter from her mother to prove it. We did not say anything about the my ex girlfriend, just tried to prove why I had as much right to take care of our daughter as she did.

The counterparty however handled a totally different approach because they wanted to prove that I was not a good person to be a father.

It is a fact that everybody sees the world in their own perspective. So there is no right or wrong, only different opinions.

But my jaw dropped wide open as they handed out some paperwork to the judge and my lawyer.

This paperwork contained many “facts” why I was not fit to be a father and therefore a danger for a proper education of our daughter.

I don’t think that I have ever felt a hurt like this before. As I looked at my ex girlfriend, she looked straight forward, I wondered how someone can go so far to get what they want. And this was not just anybody, she and I had really loved each other. This sense of injustice did not just make me angry, it made me want to cry. Right there I really felt that this person, who used to be my girlfriend, must deeply hate me to be able to do this. And I felt powerless as I could not defend myself.

What would the judge think, went through my mind? Well, we all got an immediate answer as she addressed the counterparty and said:

Some serious allegations I have just heard.  I am not saying that these allegations are true or false. What I do want to see is prove for these allegations. Because some of them are such that you must have reported them to the police?!

A sigh of relief as I knew all these facts were fiction, at least to me. And they had nothing, no prove to support their allegations.

Soon after the judge enounced the verdict and I was awarded my rights as a father.

While driving home I started crying. Being falsely accused and not being able to defend myself made me feel terrible. But right there and then I made an important decision; Whatever people will say about me in the future, I won’t let it touch me. It can be their opinion, it is not the truth as I have my opinion!

So that day I learned a hard but very valuable lesson, as the best lessons often are.

Despite of the fact that I was awarded fatherhood that day, more lawsuits followed. Unfortunately in our (Netherlands) legal system a woman can frustrate justice when it comes to parenthood and spending time with your children. I have seen men battling for 10 years spending all they have and still end up with nothing. After 3,5 years of lawsuits, all won by me, I still had nothing and gave up.

I decided to go on as positive as possible with my other daughter who now lives with me almost every day of the week. Life has strange plans sometimes.

A destructive ego wins.

Not only do I miss my child, so does my daughter miss her little half sister, my parents miss their granddaughter and my family their niece.

What did the ego win?

That is what I got for claiming to be a sex God

When I look back at my childhood, my teens and even my early twenties I see this kid that did not really have the balls to take on the challenges that life threw at him. My fragile ego kept me from developing my talents to there full potential thus me as a person. I was this timid and shy guy with not much self-confidence and certainly no womanizer.  Had my first real girlfriend at a late age of 19, although my friends thought differently because of some made up stories.  Those days  I really had to be 100% in love and at ease with a lady to be able to have sex.

Through a friend at the gym where I worked out, I got me a job as a bouncer of a small disco. Because my character is quiet and friendly it might not have been the best suitable job. But this way I could work for two nights a week and pay for my study physiotherapy which I did during the day.  

There I was, muscular with a sun bed tan so at least I was tough on the outside.  Pleasant side-effect,   I had the attention of many beautiful ladies.  One night my colleague told me that he had found this pill that made him have very good sex. He did not use the pill with his wife but the more so with the ladies he had on the side. The pill, called Viagra, made sure that he performed like a Stallion every time. At that moment my mind projected these awesome images of me having…. well you can imagine.

Listening to the stories of my colleague and other new found friends I came  to see it as a weakness not being able to perform with just any girl I wanted.  Thought that the “social standard” of a real man was somebody who could do just that. Having sex with any girl is just not me, but my ego took over  and realized that this was the opportunity to be more then I really was. Certainly me, the tough bouncer had to be able to perform whenever I wanted and I had enough girls offering.

It was fantastic! The first time I used Viagra, I took the pill at my house with a glass of water. I was told that I had to take it about 45 minutes before “the act”.  Driving to her house I suddenly felt this “tingling” sensation in my body and something getting really hard inside my pants. Holy moly what the fu..? This was great! She opened the door and we went straight into the bedroom.  I was hooked. Every time the same. I would take Viagra, my little friend grew bigger then big, pointing straight  to heaven and me thinking Thank you lord….well not really ;-)

From then on I started every new relationship this way. Did the relationship last and things got more serious I stopped with the pills. Sometimes it happened that I was out of pills and that my colleague also could not get any. If I needed them the same day, in a tiny bit of panic I tried to get them from other “vague friends”.

One time I had met this woman that I really, really liked. We had dated for a while and tonight was the night, she was ready for the next step. So this night I definitely had to perform, this time I thought it was most important.

I was totally at ease because I knew that I would perform for sure. In the afternoon at home I wanted to put two pills in the pocket of my coat so I would definitely not forget them in the evening as we were supposed to meet at her house. To my terrible surprise, the drawer where I kept them was empty! What? I was so sure that I had one strip of pills left and there are 4 in a strip of pills. What? How was this possible? Again, a bit of panic!

 Relax, breath, count to ten and focus on what to do. So I called my colleague but he did not have any and told me they were very hard to come by at the moment. He could not help me this time. Called another “vague friend” but he told me the same thing: hard to come by at the moment and could not help me. Well, panic increased. A lot!! There was not much time left until we were supposed to meet. Sweat outbreak.

I did not know what to do and so I rushed to the other side of town to find me a sex shop

And of course my fears became thru as they did not sell Viagra because it was illegal and you could only get it on a doctors prescription. So I bought all of kind of stuff that was supposed to increase  potency. From Spanish Fly to Peruvian jungle herbs and a wonder potion out of Thailand.

Do you think it helped me in anyway? Well? 

I hoped and hoped that the effects of the potions still had to “kick in”. Less then nothing!

 Shit, as we were sitting at her couch, watching TV while cuddling I had to change my tactics and I came up with this:

Honey, I am so fond of you and I don’t want to screw up anything by taking the next step to fast.  I believe that we can go for a long-term relationship and we have all the time that we want.

Do you think she liked that? Hell yeah!

Actually part of that was the truth but with my blue friend Viagra things would definitely not have gone like this. Everybody happy and I had found a new tactic for any future emergencies.

For years and years I have kept this up. Maybe even about 12 years.

But at some point in my life, probably because of all kinds of events that happened in my life, I became older (naturally) and wiser.  I started to doubt my own thoughts, acts and total way of living.

One day I took a Viagra while leaving my house and as I was driving to a new girlfriend nothing happened inside my pants. Kissing her inside her house and still nothing happened. There was nothing reaching out for heaven, it was pointing at hell! Oh dear God, what was happening?

As we were making love in bed all my thoughts were concerning my dick instead of enjoying her wonderful company. Get up – Get up! And the more I thought this way, the more it seemed to shrink. What if she went with her hands down there, which would be a major turnoff! So many thoughts of panic while I was doing one of the nicest things on the planet! Before she could go down on me I decided to go down on her. Don’t know if I was any good at  that because I had always been focused on myself, I guess.  At least one good thing came out of this disaster, me focusing on the other.

               

Next time I tried two pills ones with another lady, result: An enormous headache and vomiting, but still nothing more then a shrimp in the pants.

The soft voice in my head telling me that I was at a dead end with this lifestyle grew stronger but I had real problems letting go. Still new women in my life, again Viagra. Sometimes a little success, most of the time more suffering.

You can imagine the daily impact it had on my thoughts. And my thoughts had a great impact on the way I felt thus on my energy level and total life. There I was with my beautiful body and so much attention of nice women. For what? What was the use? I was a total failure!

At that point  I went for a long vacation abroad, on my own.  I did bring one strip of Viagra with me and at first there were more disasters with women in the first week. I started to look at the internet to find all kinds of cures for my problem. Enormous expensive roots of some Thai plant or testosterone injections seemed to help. These prices and possible side effects!!

Somehow  I found the strength to take my distance. Everyday  I sat down in the sun and wrote for hours about my feelings and life in general. Tried to clarify my mind and make some sense out of what was happening. 

Started to accept the situation and admitted that I had created this outcome myself. Me myself and I! For so many years I had put my trust in something outside myself, a pill. For so many years I had tried to be more then I really was. With listening to the voice of my ego instead of my soul I had maneuvered myself in a big mess.

To be honest, it had brought me a lot of relationships but never the one I wanted deep down inside. Quantity but no quality. To be philosophical, the inner battle that I always fought had manifested itself in my relationships with women. I had been the creator of the problems in my life!

My thoughts and attitude shifted to: it is what it is! Very annoying and even though I would have liked the situation to be 100% different, I will still be positive. If I can be positive in a situation like this, I can be positive in any situation. Let’s wait and see what good things this new attitude will bring me in a while! Because any situation, however bad it seems at first, if I deal with it strongly it always turns out for the good. That is a lesson I have already had to learn in my life.

What is left is the quiet honest boy I used to be, now in a somewhat older shell.  Somewhere further on the road to self acceptance, knowing he needs more lifetimes to get there.

With this insight I gained a lot more compassion for the “weaknesses” of others, for I have all human flaws inside myself.

Maybe my most valuable lesson: If I don’t listen to my soul, my inner counselor as I call him, the problems will stack so high until I will be forced to listen.

Now, with a much less troubled mind, I have a positive impact on my feelings – my energy – my life and therefore on the life’s of others!  Get rid of ego.

Lose the ego - laugh and learn

Lots of people, definitly myself included, never live up to their full potential because of a fragile ego. We don't have the courage to take on the real challenges of life or else we overcompensate our insecurities with drastic acts. These insecurities determine our thoughts thus our way of living and our talents and abilities never really develop. Listening to the insecure ego makes us more selfish, our own pleasure comes first.
I have this vision in which we try to let go of that ego, not taking ourself so serious. That together we lose our fears and learn to laugh about our "so-called" weaknesses that, to be honest, are a part of each of us!
That this blog will be a platform where we dare to share our life lessons so that we all can learn from eachother.
Those who judge the hardest on the "weaknesses" of others have the most problems letting go of their insecure ego. Let go of the ego and be proud of our talents that will definitly come to the surface. Unselfish we will use our talents for the sake of others. Together we will make the world a little better.

Nothing more bonding then making fun of our own stupidities, our weaknesses.

Sometimes a smile, sometimes a tear. Feeling save, not judging, no fear!