Stop the pursuit of physical beauty

Is it just my midlife crisis or am I finally starting to see things more clearly? Me being a Fitness Coach this might be a surprising message. I hope that after you have read my short story you want to give me your opinion! Also your feedback on the way I use the English language so I can improve, being from Holland.
Well, have fun!

What will happen if I park my car in a No Parking zone today? I will probably get a ticket!  But what does it mean when I still park my car in the same zone every day? That I am Fuc.... crazy!
Then crazy is what I am for repeating the same act over and over for many years and never getting what I realy wanted!
 Let me try to give you an explanation.

We live in a world were being handsome is looked upon as a great achievement and so many people pursuit the ultimate dream of physical beauty. Advertisement says your teeth can be whiter, your hair thicker, your body more muscular with a tan, your tits bigger, nose smaller, your lips fuller and while you are at it do your ass as well. And the list goes on and on. So much money is to get out of our insecurities that the industry will keep promoting this relentless pursuit.

Before I go on let me show you a picture of myself, a good one of course ;-). So you can see that I don't look like Brad Pitt (synonym for beauty) but there is not much wrong with me, is there? But have I ever realized that myself?

 First of all let me clarify one thing: if you think that I have inner peace and happyness because I look like this? Think again!

Instead of looking good, wouldn't feeling good be more important? I can give you some reasons why the pursuit of physical beauty stood in the way of what I actualy wanted the most. Feeling good about myself.

- It is never good enough. It is a pursuit of beauty thus I did focus on things that were not good about myself. I knew that I had a beautiful body but I always wanted less fat, more muscles. A smaller nose, thicker hair. Bigger cock haha. And when I looked at myself in the mirror or on a picture, I immediatly looked for the things that I did not like. And of course, search and you will find!

- Having a beautiful body did also make me want to keep it that way. A lot of my time, and even more important my thoughts, were occupied with just that. Workouts even when I didn't want to, a lot of guilty thoughts when I ate the stuff I "should not eat". Even stuff that is healthy for "normal" people. It held me back in developing other parts of my life. Parts were actually my real passion might be, now staying hidden under a thick layer of frightened ego.

- The paradox is that I always experience joy and happiness if I give good energy by helping others. Most of my time I was so busy with the pursuit of beauty, or any other pursuit of things I wanted to have, that I missed the best opportunity to feel great!

- I was very insecure and I hid my feelings behind my looks. Not showing my vulnerable side afraid that my ego would get hurt. But in vulnerability is exactly where the best opportunities are hidden to find great joy and bonding with other people. It did stand in the way of finding my great love! Still gotta learn this by the way ;-)

I think that it is very good to be physically and mentally fit and that you pay attention to your appearance. That way you take care of your health! But the pursuit of beauty did not bring me any inner peace thus it is not good for my health. Being healthy is so normal for most people that we seem to forget the importance of it. Most of the time, we in the western world live such good lifes and still we can make ourselves feel miserable because of what we have is never enough.

What works best for me is not taking myself to seriously and sometimes make jokes about my weaknesses. They were only weaknesses because I wanted too fulfill "the social standard". Thoughts that entered my head saying; I should have a smaller nose and I should have this or that... I stopped fighting them, just let them be there and smiled at them! Actualy smiling while sitting on my bike to work and a negative thougth entered my head. Welcomed it and laughed about myself, about these so-called weaknesses, that might even be my strength...

Like I said, maybe it is just my midlife crisis but I am thinking that happiness is already whitin myself. 

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